S00/E01 The Lost Episodes: The Money Pit

Before the team met Tom (aka Better is the Enemy), before “Alive or Dead,” before all the babies and weddings, we recorded in a conference room at work. We even had different intro music. We recorded “The Money Pit” and hoped we were ready to take it to the website. The audio is pretty bouncy and we had microphones in pencil cups on wool coasters.

Speaking of “wool,” Shelly Long and pre-Oscar Tom Hanks star along side some Hollywood favorites in this 1986 comedy…. emphasis on COMEDY. Ooo boy... so much comedy. Enjoy our origins and hang tight for some newness….

Meanwhile, here’s Jeff and Joelle in lock down. (thank you, Google closed captions!)

archi-speak 006: benefit statement

wait… is this about my dwindling 401K? how on earth does this word relate to A&D. the starchitects suss it out.

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archi-speak 005: brandscaping

What is Brandscaping? Whatever it is we have to make sure we don’t nick the balls.

S04/ E04 The Architect

When you are in a lonely relationship and all that matters to you is money and how you look to other people then the next logical step is to build your dream house so you can keep up with your “friends”…if this is you then you are the main characters of The Architect.

This vapid couple then teams up with a pretentious architect who feels he can build them a house they want but never asked for.

Jesus Christ everyone in this movie is pathetic BUT oddly enough, you find a level headed construction manager and another architect that would have completed this dream house on time and under budget. They use the level head construction manager but even he gets consumed by the tidal wave that is a hopeless architect and insipid couple.

We watched the Architect!

S04/ E03 The Christmas Cottage

This is a story of an interior designer whose BFF asks her to be maid of honor, but she must take on a few responsibilities—such as making sure the family cottage is perfect for the honeymoon. Legend has it that if newlyweds spend their first night there, everlasting love and happiness follow. Not to mention cold vanilla emotionless sex.

When you mix BFFs, old lovers, fake snow, lonliness and magic——you get a film called The Christmas Cottage starring Jared Padalecki…..wait that’s not the film….it’s the one WITHOUT Jared Padalecki. Sorry Supernatural fans.

archi-speak 002: disruption

sometimes when an outsider hears the words used by a design professional, their meaning gets muddied. is she really going to “massage” the plan? does he really get turned on by a glossy, white, metal detail by calling it “sexy?” why exactly are a&d professionals hijacking the tech darling “ux?” in our companion micro-cast, we explore some of the vocab words with past guests of the show to try to decipher: archi-speak.

thanks to matt carter for chatting about: DISRUPTION

S04/ E01 Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House

Legendary movie star Cary Grant wants the perfect house in the country so he can get away from the crazy city life with his family. Before he knows it, Grant and his wife become amateur architects and interior designers and soon get in way over their heads and this city family can’t stop the train called his Dream House. We see the family man Grant in his prime.

In this precursor to The Money Pit meets Funny Farm, we give you a long movie title like Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House.

We. Are. Alive!

Guys,

I feel an explanation is in order. You may have noticed we haven’t posted an episode in a while. Whelp, we are the victims of LIFE.

Jeff and Joelle welcomed a bouncing baby boy two weeks ago after a few false starts, aka false labor. We were on Baby Watch 2018 and didn’t want to disturb their home with recording nonsense.

Vince has been traveling. Lucky duck.

Me… everyone in the Pennington house caught the flu shortly after we recorded the upcoming “Jungle Fever” episode. I firmly believe it’s karma kicking me in the butt for being so ignorant to Spike Lee’s vision of what it was like to interracially date in the 1990’s.

Did you notice the holidays also came upon us? Yoinks-s-doinks. So. Much. PAW Patrol…

Could we have recorded a few episodes in advance to fill the void? Sure… but that would be responsible and, dare i say, professional. But the very definition of professional means we are making a podcast for a living.

Ha! I cry the baby tears of laughter at this… oh, the baby tears… oh…..

Meanwhile, hang tight, favorite listener! “Jungle Fever” will fill your ears soon and you too can think to yourself, “What a bunch of fucking assholes. I’m going to go listen to ‘My Favorite Murder” or ‘Un-Happy Hour.’”

-RP

S02/ E06 Pacific Heights

Post “Batman,” Michael Keaton tested his menacing chops as the mysterious Carter Hayes, who turns out to be a misfit, well-to-do psychopath hell bent on making his landlords’ (Melanie Griffith and Matthew Modine) lives a living nightmare.

Vince laments: I’d totally follow Melanie into the desert to get my sex robot back any day.

The starchitects team and guest Diony Lopez talk about the realities of being a landlord in San Francisco, something Diony, Jeff, and Vince have in common. Strangely, this movie isn’t too far off in its depiction of horrific tenants who will do anything to NOT pay rent and treat apartments like absolute garbage. Even the premise of having a monkey brother isn’t beyond fiction, as Vince shared the below picture with us….

starchitect: Diony Lopez

photographic evidence vince has monkey brothers....

S02/ E05 Fools Rush In

Project management. It’s a job definition most people, even those in the profession, can’t quite put their finger on. In her recent shift to project management, Roberta was able to offer some insight as to what Matthew Perry’s character was doing on the job site in “Fools Rush In.” Still, no one in the room could grasp the whole picture of scope of service… well, maybe Matthew Perry as Chandler Bing as Alex Whitman could. Could his job responsibilities BE any more vague?

Synopsis: An episode of “Friends” minus the other five. Selma Hayek is hot.

For the record: Project Managers plan, budget, oversee and document all aspects of a project. Project managers work closely with clients to make sure the scope and direction of each project is on schedule, within the planned budget and executed properly per outlined scope.

starchitect(s): Jeff Wolinski, Vince Galea, Roberta Pennington

S02/ E04 TV A&D: Designing Women

It's a snapshot into a time when women in their late-twenties wanted to look like women in the mid-forties. A time when shoulder pads were worn to intimidate men and weaker women alike. When Delta Burke's weight was as hotly debated as perestroika. While "Designing Women's" pretense was to show women in control, the end result was five twittering morons who were one step away from uttering "fabulous" with the stereotyped hiss of most TV designers.

starchitect Mark Miller joins the team in the basement to talk curtains, pillows, and tassels. No: it is not what any of us went to school for, but your mom thinks so.

starchitect: Mark Miller 

S02/ E03 Road House

Hotly debated amongst the starchitects team, "Road House" has been on Roberta's mind for months after strong arming this film into Season Two. Roberta contends it's a movie about urban design as a small town bar owner wants to better his establishment, make a safer place for the townspeople to gather and unwind after a hard day of fighting off organized crime and shopping at the JC Penny's; the rest of the group considers it a ploy to get a Patrick Swayze movie into our rotation.

You decide.

starchitect: Russell Holzinger

S02/ E02 Dream Lover

2016 saw the 30th anniversary of “Pretty in Pink” where James Spader plays a rich teenager who seems kind of rape-y. In “Dream Lover,” Spade takes an acting leap in a tour-de-force performance playing a rich architect who seems kind of rape-y.

The starchitects team and guest Jessie Lenhardt recommends paying the $2.99 to watch the 1-hour 43-minute full version versus the edited option available for free on YouTube. From what I’m told, the nudity makes up for the clown scenes. Yep; there’s clowns. Read it again: clowns.

starchitect: Jessie Lenhardt

S01/ E09 A Christmas Kiss

You want Christmas with little plot, no back story, no character development, no inflection in the voices of 60% of the actors, and more face glitter than last seen from a cocaine bender from Studio 54’s hay day, you got it. “A Christmas Kiss” is the worst kind of movie for the interior design profession.

We hear the words “design” A LOT, but never are the words “health,” “safety,” or “welfare” uttered, let alone “ergonomics,” “egress,” or “efficiency.” What we are shown is a glitter-encrusted, one-dimensional space case who decorates her crush’s (read boss’s boyfriend) house for Christmas. Ribbon with more ribbon heaped on top of Hallmark-branded ornaments heaped on top of more ribbon. She is NOT an interior designer. She is a decorator and not even the kind of decorator from HGTV. Those decorators would be offended by this woman’s work.

Roberta gives the starchitects team an early Christmas present: 183 Hallmark movie titles in alphabetical order to enjoy over the holiday break.

Happy Everything!

starchitect: Joelle Wolinski

S01/ E08 Beetlejuice

Ever watch a movie so perfect you don’t have much to say? The starchitects team and guest Aly Pierce had that very problem watching the Tim Burton classic, “Beetlejuice.” We set out to observe and critique Otho, the Deetz’s smug interior “designer,” but we were left with awe and inspiration. So many sweet memories of a time when movie making still kicked ass....when Hollywood relied less on CGI and base-y explosions and more on quirky storytelling, stunning practical effects, and acting chewing up more scenery than a Golden Coral smorgasboard on a two-for-one Tuesday.

Still, not many design professionals will live with a family and have enough comfort to wear a black, silk, dragon kimono (?) with seemingly nothing underneath while sipping iced tea on your clients’ porch... please, write to us if you have: info@starchitectspodcast.com

starchitect: Aly Pierce

S01/ E06 My Super Ex-Girlfriend

Sometimes, the most fantastic foods together sound like a memorable moment of gastronomy: seasonal fruit with artisanal cheese, freshly caught salmon grilled on cedar, a dusty cabernet, lavender creme brulee. Likewise, a movie with the star power listed in “My Super Ex-Girlfriend” would elicit the same anticipation of joy and fulfillment. But really, this movie takes our would-be dreams, dumps it into a blender, turns it on puree, then throws it onto the pee-soaked streets of skid row to add a little fragrant flare.

Uh boy, this movie.

Jeff wows the starchitects team with his AMAZING Luke Wilson impersonation while Roberta defends her undying love for the actor, bloated or no. (I mean, when you make the commitment to stalk someone, it’s for the long haul…)

starchitect: Kevin Valk

S01/ E05 Interiors

As an homage to Ingmar Bergman, Woody Allen created the movie “Interiors,” a bleak reflection of a bland upper, upper middle class New York family broken apart by a parents’ divorce. The wife, an interior designer (really, a decorator), slowly (and holy shmoly is it slow) descends into a deep depression as her three daughters cope.  

The starchitects team couldn’t figure out what was more beige: the interiors Eve “designed” or the beigey beigeness of all. the. white. people. Seriously; I don’t how much more white this movie could get apart from bringing in the entire cast of the Lawrence Welk Show and a jar of mayonnaise.

starchitect: Rob Roth

Can you get a bingo watching "Interiors?"

S01/ E04 TV A&D: The Brady Bunch

The starchitects team go into the Way-Back Machine to visit the family who made a day wearing bell bottoms a sunshine day, “The Brady Bunch.” Did you remember Mike was an architect? In the episodes we watch ("A Clubhouse is Not a Home," "Mike's Horror-scope," and "Call Me Irresponsible"), Mike's life as an architect at home and at the office are revealed. Pull on your plaid shirt and pour yourself a tall glass of lemonade, we're getting some work done.

Holy shmoly....

starchitect: Joelle Wolinski

S01/ E03 Bio-Dome

Long ago, in a time called “the Nineties,” the environmentalist movement took hold of a generation. We watched our culture embrace the love of recycling cans, bottles, and office paper. We looked to MTV (back when they played videos) and connected with one man who fully embodied our innocent, doe-eyed GenX souls: Pauly Shore. After such hits as “Encino Man,” “Son-in-Law,” and “In the Army Now,” how could he lose with the enviro-themed “Bio-Dome?” 

The starchitects team learns why this moronic romp was guest Andrew Rosengarten’s favorite movie at age ten. Okay, we already know why: dick and fart humor mixed with shitty hair styles and REALLY baggy shorts.

If you are having trouble stomaching the tone of the movie, the team suggests you turn on Italian dubbing and call the movie "Bee-Oh Doe-May" pretending you're watching a would-be Roberto Benigni venture.

starchitect: Andrew Rosengarten

S01/ E02 Death Wish

“Death Wish” teaches us when wronged to the point of breaking and seeking revenge, start with a sock full of quarters first, then go to firearms. Charles Bronson goes from a wooden work-a-holic architect whose smile looks painted on for the first fifteen minutes of the movie to gun toting vigilante when his wife is beaten to death and daughter is brutally raped. Oh ya, that’s Jeff Goldblum’s butt doing that. Yoiks.

Native Texan Josh Guerra, licensed architect, sits down with Roberta, Vince, and Jeff to decipher the complex back story of Paul Kersey and his use of an apparent Vulcan-like demeanor used in all stressful situations. We’re talking client meetings, his wife’s funeral, and beating a man with a sock full of quarters.

starchitect: Josh Guerra