S02/ E11 The Cable Guy

In a $20 million dollar coup, the King of Dick and Fart movies, Jim Carrey, broke a salary record for his betrayal of “Chip Douglas,” cable installer and stalker. Matthew Broderick, the center of Chip's attention, lumbers along reacting (?) to Carrey's antics in what appears to be a narcotic haze.

Ben Stiller (aka Derrick Zoolander) directs this comedy, which between you, me, and the lamp post, isn’t that funny nor is it that exciting watch. Anna Winn joins the team in the basement as we try to figure out if Carrey is spooky or trying his damnedest to people please. The team is split; you decide.

starchitect: Anna Winn

S02/ E09 Two for the Road

 “Two for the Road” saw Albert Finney as the protagonist and love interest to the setting sun of Audrey Hepburn as flirty ingenue. He mumbles his way through all dialogue about… life? art? architecture? We couldn’t make it out… then he eats an apple. Double that with Hepburn’s scarecrow thin body and you have the recipe for the most BORING ten-year journey of a pair’s relationship.

Think of this movie like a fender-bender on I-84…. I mean no one really dies, and it’s kind of interesting to see how the cars are wrecked but… meh.

starchitect(s): Jeff Wolinski, Vince Galea, Roberta Pennington

S02/ E08 Housesitter

“Housesitter” is as rom-com-y as it gets: jilted lover meets drastically, mismatched, kookie gal our protagonist is destined to love…. but are they?! Will they?! One giant bag of Chinese food and awkward boob touch later, Goldie Hawn’s Gwen is instantly engaged to Steve Martin’s Davis.

If we walked away with one life lesson from this fluffy piece of super fluff, it’s okay to lie. You’ll get the girl, the house, and the promotion. Go on now, lie. Frank Oz said it’s okay. Frank Oz, the voice of Super Grover, tells us it’s okay to lie.

starchitect: Alex Sklar

S02/ E07 My Architect

PT Barnum is noted as saying, “There’s a sucker born every minute.” Could it be an entire generation of architects were swindled by noted starchitect, Louis Kahn? He sure fit the bill of a con artist: self-assured, self-serving all while supporting secret families, mistresses, and skyrocketing personal and business debt.

Nathaniel Kahn, Louis’s youngest of his illegitimate brood, explores his father’s life through the lens of the architect’s work. But is it all it’s cracked up to be? Are we all just a bunch of suckers trying to hear what that mother f***ing brick is saying?!

starchitect: Joelle Wolinski

S02/ E06 Pacific Heights

Post “Batman,” Michael Keaton tested his menacing chops as the mysterious Carter Hayes, who turns out to be a misfit, well-to-do psychopath hell bent on making his landlords’ (Melanie Griffith and Matthew Modine) lives a living nightmare.

Vince laments: I’d totally follow Melanie into the desert to get my sex robot back any day.

The starchitects team and guest Diony Lopez talk about the realities of being a landlord in San Francisco, something Diony, Jeff, and Vince have in common. Strangely, this movie isn’t too far off in its depiction of horrific tenants who will do anything to NOT pay rent and treat apartments like absolute garbage. Even the premise of having a monkey brother isn’t beyond fiction, as Vince shared the below picture with us….

starchitect: Diony Lopez

photographic evidence vince has monkey brothers....

S02/ E05 Fools Rush In

Project management. It’s a job definition most people, even those in the profession, can’t quite put their finger on. In her recent shift to project management, Roberta was able to offer some insight as to what Matthew Perry’s character was doing on the job site in “Fools Rush In.” Still, no one in the room could grasp the whole picture of scope of service… well, maybe Matthew Perry as Chandler Bing as Alex Whitman could. Could his job responsibilities BE any more vague?

Synopsis: An episode of “Friends” minus the other five. Selma Hayek is hot.

For the record: Project Managers plan, budget, oversee and document all aspects of a project. Project managers work closely with clients to make sure the scope and direction of each project is on schedule, within the planned budget and executed properly per outlined scope.

starchitect(s): Jeff Wolinski, Vince Galea, Roberta Pennington

S02/ E04 TV A&D: Designing Women

It's a snapshot into a time when women in their late-twenties wanted to look like women in the mid-forties. A time when shoulder pads were worn to intimidate men and weaker women alike. When Delta Burke's weight was as hotly debated as perestroika. While "Designing Women's" pretense was to show women in control, the end result was five twittering morons who were one step away from uttering "fabulous" with the stereotyped hiss of most TV designers.

starchitect Mark Miller joins the team in the basement to talk curtains, pillows, and tassels. No: it is not what any of us went to school for, but your mom thinks so.

starchitect: Mark Miller 

S02/ E03 Road House

Hotly debated amongst the starchitects team, "Road House" has been on Roberta's mind for months after strong arming this film into Season Two. Roberta contends it's a movie about urban design as a small town bar owner wants to better his establishment, make a safer place for the townspeople to gather and unwind after a hard day of fighting off organized crime and shopping at the JC Penny's; the rest of the group considers it a ploy to get a Patrick Swayze movie into our rotation.

You decide.

starchitect: Russell Holzinger

S02/ E02 Dream Lover

2016 saw the 30th anniversary of “Pretty in Pink” where James Spader plays a rich teenager who seems kind of rape-y. In “Dream Lover,” Spade takes an acting leap in a tour-de-force performance playing a rich architect who seems kind of rape-y.

The starchitects team and guest Jessie Lenhardt recommends paying the $2.99 to watch the 1-hour 43-minute full version versus the edited option available for free on YouTube. From what I’m told, the nudity makes up for the clown scenes. Yep; there’s clowns. Read it again: clowns.

starchitect: Jessie Lenhardt

S02/ E01 Earthquake

The starchitects team kicks off its second season after a holiday hiatus to talk about all that is wrong in the world of pre- and post-earthquake Los Angeles in the celebrity cluster f***k, “Earthquake.” All-star guest Eric Li returns to remind us no one will ever be calmed by hot coffee and sandwiches in an underground shelter/ mall, especially if that shelter/ mall is constructed of cardboard columns painted to look like brick.

Personally, I cannot get enough George Kennedy.

(Did you notice the new starchitects logo? It’s like we got a hair cut over winter break hoping you’d notice and finally ask us out to the Valentine’s Day dance. Well, suck it. We’re going to get drunk in the parking lot then throw rocks in the quarry until dawn.)

starchitect: Eric Li

S01/ E10 Steel

In the 1970's, men and women worshipped one man on their televisions: Lee Majors. His finely chiseled, action-figure looks and Kung Fu grip would also open the door to become "Mr. Farrah Fawcett.” During this time, television actors rarely made the jump to feature length films, but Lee would prove them all wrong, because... “Steel.”

Joined by fellow Rust Belt native, Crawford Smith, the starchitects team dazzle at the wooden acting and flat butts. Even more amazing, the complete lack of OSHA oversight on a job site where (SPOILER ALERT) not one but TWO people die from fatal falls.

Grab a High Life and your ‘merican flag; this movie is happening.

starchitect: Crawford Smith

S01/ E09 A Christmas Kiss

You want Christmas with little plot, no back story, no character development, no inflection in the voices of 60% of the actors, and more face glitter than last seen from a cocaine bender from Studio 54’s hay day, you got it. “A Christmas Kiss” is the worst kind of movie for the interior design profession.

We hear the words “design” A LOT, but never are the words “health,” “safety,” or “welfare” uttered, let alone “ergonomics,” “egress,” or “efficiency.” What we are shown is a glitter-encrusted, one-dimensional space case who decorates her crush’s (read boss’s boyfriend) house for Christmas. Ribbon with more ribbon heaped on top of Hallmark-branded ornaments heaped on top of more ribbon. She is NOT an interior designer. She is a decorator and not even the kind of decorator from HGTV. Those decorators would be offended by this woman’s work.

Roberta gives the starchitects team an early Christmas present: 183 Hallmark movie titles in alphabetical order to enjoy over the holiday break.

Happy Everything!

starchitect: Joelle Wolinski

S01/ E08 Beetlejuice

Ever watch a movie so perfect you don’t have much to say? The starchitects team and guest Aly Pierce had that very problem watching the Tim Burton classic, “Beetlejuice.” We set out to observe and critique Otho, the Deetz’s smug interior “designer,” but we were left with awe and inspiration. So many sweet memories of a time when movie making still kicked ass....when Hollywood relied less on CGI and base-y explosions and more on quirky storytelling, stunning practical effects, and acting chewing up more scenery than a Golden Coral smorgasboard on a two-for-one Tuesday.

Still, not many design professionals will live with a family and have enough comfort to wear a black, silk, dragon kimono (?) with seemingly nothing underneath while sipping iced tea on your clients’ porch... please, write to us if you have: info@starchitectspodcast.com

starchitect: Aly Pierce

S01/ E07 Electric Dreams

Richard Branson brought his unique production talents to what is a seemingly banal movie about a young architect learning the ins and outs of becoming computer literate for the sake of his job and personal organization. Any scene becomes active when you can turn major plot points into a music video. Just nailed the girl of your dreams for the first time? Music montage at Alcatraz. Not sure how to say “I love you?” Call on Culture Club to get your emotions smash cut to a head. Are you a computer who has recently become sentient and stuck in a love triangle with your owner and the woman upstairs? Might I suggest a little Philip Oakey & Giorgio Moroder (“Together in Electric Dreams”) to shake your virtual booty into a more upbeat mood?

Life lessons abound in this 1984 classic:

• Lesson #1: Don’t download your boss’s hard drive over a telephone modem.

• Lesson #2: Don’t put out an electrical fire in your hard drive with a bottle of champagne.

• Lesson #3: When your conscious computer takes over all functions of your apartment, unplug it. No, really, you can unplug it despite the warning tag on the cord! UNPLUG IT!!

starchitect: Matt Carter

S01/ E06 My Super Ex-Girlfriend

Sometimes, the most fantastic foods together sound like a memorable moment of gastronomy: seasonal fruit with artisanal cheese, freshly caught salmon grilled on cedar, a dusty cabernet, lavender creme brulee. Likewise, a movie with the star power listed in “My Super Ex-Girlfriend” would elicit the same anticipation of joy and fulfillment. But really, this movie takes our would-be dreams, dumps it into a blender, turns it on puree, then throws it onto the pee-soaked streets of skid row to add a little fragrant flare.

Uh boy, this movie.

Jeff wows the starchitects team with his AMAZING Luke Wilson impersonation while Roberta defends her undying love for the actor, bloated or no. (I mean, when you make the commitment to stalk someone, it’s for the long haul…)

starchitect: Kevin Valk

S01/ E05 Interiors

As an homage to Ingmar Bergman, Woody Allen created the movie “Interiors,” a bleak reflection of a bland upper, upper middle class New York family broken apart by a parents’ divorce. The wife, an interior designer (really, a decorator), slowly (and holy shmoly is it slow) descends into a deep depression as her three daughters cope.  

The starchitects team couldn’t figure out what was more beige: the interiors Eve “designed” or the beigey beigeness of all. the. white. people. Seriously; I don’t how much more white this movie could get apart from bringing in the entire cast of the Lawrence Welk Show and a jar of mayonnaise.

starchitect: Rob Roth

Can you get a bingo watching "Interiors?"

S01/ E04 TV A&D: The Brady Bunch

The starchitects team go into the Way-Back Machine to visit the family who made a day wearing bell bottoms a sunshine day, “The Brady Bunch.” Did you remember Mike was an architect? In the episodes we watch ("A Clubhouse is Not a Home," "Mike's Horror-scope," and "Call Me Irresponsible"), Mike's life as an architect at home and at the office are revealed. Pull on your plaid shirt and pour yourself a tall glass of lemonade, we're getting some work done.

Holy shmoly....

starchitect: Joelle Wolinski

S01/ E03 Bio-Dome

Long ago, in a time called “the Nineties,” the environmentalist movement took hold of a generation. We watched our culture embrace the love of recycling cans, bottles, and office paper. We looked to MTV (back when they played videos) and connected with one man who fully embodied our innocent, doe-eyed GenX souls: Pauly Shore. After such hits as “Encino Man,” “Son-in-Law,” and “In the Army Now,” how could he lose with the enviro-themed “Bio-Dome?” 

The starchitects team learns why this moronic romp was guest Andrew Rosengarten’s favorite movie at age ten. Okay, we already know why: dick and fart humor mixed with shitty hair styles and REALLY baggy shorts.

If you are having trouble stomaching the tone of the movie, the team suggests you turn on Italian dubbing and call the movie "Bee-Oh Doe-May" pretending you're watching a would-be Roberto Benigni venture.

starchitect: Andrew Rosengarten

S01/ E02 Death Wish

“Death Wish” teaches us when wronged to the point of breaking and seeking revenge, start with a sock full of quarters first, then go to firearms. Charles Bronson goes from a wooden work-a-holic architect whose smile looks painted on for the first fifteen minutes of the movie to gun toting vigilante when his wife is beaten to death and daughter is brutally raped. Oh ya, that’s Jeff Goldblum’s butt doing that. Yoiks.

Native Texan Josh Guerra, licensed architect, sits down with Roberta, Vince, and Jeff to decipher the complex back story of Paul Kersey and his use of an apparent Vulcan-like demeanor used in all stressful situations. We’re talking client meetings, his wife’s funeral, and beating a man with a sock full of quarters.

starchitect: Josh Guerra